HomePod, you say? Sex sex sex, that's all you think about

The Register - Fri, 02/16/2018 - 05:05
Apple suggests wiping your ROD and oiling your ring

Something for the Weekend, Sir? My wife has a hairy tongue.…

Should AI get to choose a topping in a two pizza team?

The Register - Fri, 02/16/2018 - 04:32
How DevOps could be about to collide with machine learning

DevOps is finally getting somewhere. This year the term is ten years old and like most ten-year olds, DevOps is starting to show signs of puberty and cognitive maturity. According to analyst Forrester, this is being reflected in industry. In 2017, a Forrester survey found that over 50 per cent of organisations were to implement DevOps in some form or another, enough for the analyst to claim that 2018 is going to be the year of enterprise DevOps.…

Say HCI is an enhanced server. If you don't already sell 'em, it could be game over, man

The Register - Fri, 02/16/2018 - 04:04
Where enterprise servers go, hyperconverged systems follow

Analysis If hyperconverged systems are basically enhanced servers then HCI vendors with no server hardware or channel partnerships for their software are doomed.…

Microsoft's System Center successor edges closer to Hawaii 1-0

The Register - Fri, 02/16/2018 - 03:27
Project Honolulu gets a second Tech Preview

Microsoft has offered Windows admins a second look at Project Honolulu, its web-based System Center successor.…

Apple to devs: code for the iPhone X or nothing from April onwards

The Register - Fri, 02/16/2018 - 03:01
It's therefore safe to assume the notch is not going away any time soon

The Apple rumour mill has buzzed with speculation that less-than-completely-astounding sales of Cupertino's latest iPhone, the X, mean it might not be long for this world.…

If this laptop is so portable, where's the keyboard, huh? HUH?

The Register - Fri, 02/16/2018 - 02:04
Un-hinged user needed some basic education

On-Call Welcome again to On-Call, in which The Register tries to liven up Fridays with reader-contributed stories of tech support traumas.…

Astro-boffinry world rocked to its very core: Shock as Andromeda found to be not much bigger than Milky Way

The Register - Fri, 02/16/2018 - 01:11
Everything we knew was a lie

The Andromeda galaxy is actually roughly the same size as the Milky Way, and may not engulf our galaxy when it is expected to collide in about four billion years time, according to new research.…

If you don't like what IBM is pitching, blame Watson: It's generating sales 'solutions' now

The Register - Fri, 02/16/2018 - 00:02
'Cognitive solutioning' kicks in when you ask Big Blue to solve tricky problems

Exclusive IBM is not just telling the world it needs "cognitive" computing: the company has bet the future of its own services business on Watson-branded services.…

If IBM craters, blame Watson: It's writing RFP responses now

The Register - Fri, 02/16/2018 - 00:02
If whatever you ask IBM to do isn't easy, 'cognitive solutioning' will sort you out

Exclusive IBM's not just telling the world it needs "cognitive" computing: the company has bet the future of its own services business on Watson-branded services.…

Ubuntu wants to slurp PCs' vital statistics - even location - with new desktop installs

The Register - Thu, 02/15/2018 - 23:02
Data harvest notice will be checked by default

POLL Future versions of Ubuntu desktop may collect information on the PCs running it unless users opt out.…

Russians behind bars in US after nicking $300m+ in credit-card hacks

The Register - Thu, 02/15/2018 - 21:54
Pair partly responsible for largest bank-card theft ring in American history

Two Russian criminals have been sent down in America after pleading guilty to helping run the largest credit-card hacking scam in US history.…

Techno-senator tells Tinder to hook up its app with better security

The Register - Thu, 02/15/2018 - 21:03
Swipe-a-shag tool gets the dreaded sternly-worded-letter treatment from Wyden

Cyber-senator Ron Wyden (D-OR) is asking execs from the parent company of Tinder to please use protection when spreading the love around.…

Oh sh-itcoin! Crypto-dosh swap-shop Coinbase empties punters' bank accounts

The Register - Thu, 02/15/2018 - 19:55
Says sorry for 'poor experience', vows to pay back missing cash

Digital currency exchange Coinbase said it inadvertently charged punters for transactions they never made, effectively draining money from their bank accounts. It has promised to refund the money taken.…

FCC inspector general sticks corruption probe into chairman Ajit Pai amid $4bn media merger

The Register - Thu, 02/15/2018 - 18:59
Fine line between free market and favors for pals

Analysis The chairman of America's broadband watchdog – the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) – is under investigation by the regulator's inspector general following a series of decisions that appear to favor one of the country's largest media owners.…

Former ICE top lawyer raided US govt database to steal aliens' identities

The Register - Thu, 02/15/2018 - 18:19
While kicking folks out of 'Murica, Raphael A. Sanchez committed fraud in their names

Yet again an insider has been caught misusing a workplace computer system to conduct identity theft and fraud.…

Top tip: Don't bother with Facebook's two-factor SMS auth – unless you love phone spam

The Register - Thu, 02/15/2018 - 17:40
Pick another 2FA method: Social network is having a What The Zuck moment

Forget fake news, Russian trolls and the gradual cruel destruction of journalism – now Facebook is taking heat for spamming a netizen's phone with text messages after he signed up for SMS-based two-factor authentication.…

When it absolutely, positively needs to be leaked overnight: 120k FedEx customer files spill from AWS S3 silo

The Register - Thu, 02/15/2018 - 16:29
Passport scans, drivers licenses, etc, exposed online

Another day, another unsecured Amazon Web Services S3 storage bucket spilling secrets onto the public internet.…

Apple Macs, iThings, smart watches choke on tiny Indian delicacy

The Register - Thu, 02/15/2018 - 15:43
Watch out for text bomb that crashes apps and devices over and over and...

Apple last month fixed a flaw in macOS and iOS that allowed a text message to crash its chat software (CVE-2018-4100) – and now it has the opportunity to do so again.…

That terrifying 'unfixable' Microsoft Skype security flaw: THE TRUTH

The Register - Thu, 02/15/2018 - 14:58
Oh yeah, we patched that in October, Windows giant yawns

Microsoft has poured a bucket of cold water on people freaking out over a supposedly unfixable security flaw in Skype.…

Oracle slurps bot-wrangling security minnow Zenedge

The Register - Thu, 02/15/2018 - 12:18
Buy price not revealed

Oracle is to gobble security outfit Zenedge for likely less than CTO Larry Ellison spends on tanning lotion each year an unspecified sum.…